Oh Torta!

Tortaaaah! (Photo courtesy of Heidi)

As part of our Wow Philippines heritage tour of Cebu (see other blog), we stopped over in Argao at Alex Kafe, a "300-year-old cafe and house." Here, we were served a native delicacy called torta, which one is supposed to eat (or wash down with) a cuppa hot tsokolate.

And so there it was, in the middle of the table, looking innocent and, dare I say, even enticing. As the Queen of PR said, it did look like ensaymada--spongy, buttery bread sprinkled with cheese and sugar. There were even a few raisins. Gino, hungry from a whole morning in the skies and on the road, immediately picked up his fork and dug in. An entire side of the torta crumbled before our very eyes, as soon as the fork made contact. That should've served as a warning. Gino took the first bite, and his look said it all--twas a mixture of pain and nausea. We were half-expecting the Wow Mali crew to reveal themselves at that moment.

Torta is supposedly made of lard that was used to cook...something else. (In Gino's words, "It tastes like it was cooked with lard made in 1859!") What that something was is debatable. While the Queen of PR warned us that it tasted like adobo, Gwyn said it tasted more like the lard was used to cook bagnet. Close. But that doesn't explain the aged factor. Perhaps it was used to cook bagnet 10 times over. During the town fiesta. Three years ago.

We all knew we had to take one for the team, so with quivering forks, we each took dainty little slices. The others were fortunate enough to be able to drown their little snacks in tsokolate. I, on the other hand, had to make do with spooning heaps of sugar onto it. Gino tried to erase the offensive taste with the jackfruit biscuits on hand (which, ordinarily, wouldn't be so enticing. But given the scenario...).

And so the torta found its way into every punchline, anecdote, and nightmare throughout the entire trip. Over lunch (fresh from our close encounter of the torta kind), the manager Em asked us, "So you went to Alex Kafe? Did you try the torta?" Kaye and I nodded meekly. "Ang sarap no?" she said enthusiastically--it was the kind of tone I normally reserve for chocolate. And she wasn't kidding! I blinked and asked Kaye about her prawns. To be polite, I asked Em, in as normal a voice as possible, "Er, do you also serve torta here?" To which she apologetically replied, "Yes...but it's not as good as the one you ate."

Yikes.

Apparently, it's a source of Cebuano pride. During one of our discussions, we concurred that it was probably an acquired taste. As the Manilenos' loud complaints about torta sailed through the pavilion air, I feared that the Sumilon people would have their revenge by serving us torta on the last day. Come Monday lunch time, we held our breath as the waiters made their way to our table, placing our dessert plates in front of us: banana fritters. And there was a collective "Phew!" (On a side note, those fritters were delicious! Bananas dipped in some sort of batter, fried, coated with sugar, and served with a side of some creamy sauce. Mmmm. Too bad we had to wolf it down as we were in danger of missing our flight.)

Wanting to share the torta experience with our co-workers back home (because, really, words can only convey so much), we checked the stores at the Mactan International Airport. Alas, none of them carried torta, and probably for good reason. If we're any indication, hindi siya mabenta! Still, I thank the torta for somehow bringing the group closer together--the episode was probably akin to a near-death experience, where people who come out alive automatically form some sort of bond.

I exaggerate. If you do find yourself in Cebu, you might still want to try it, just for the experience. But you've been warned.